


The Laws of Existence

by starprinces



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, I'll add more tags later probably, M/M, i think ??, missing character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-09-30 03:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10153055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starprinces/pseuds/starprinces
Summary: The Kerberos Mission goes as planned, just a research mission, no aliens. However, when they return back to Earth something goes wrong. Matt Holt is missing, and Shiro seems to be the only one who remembers he even existed





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first fic I've written in about 2 years. So I apologize if it's a little rough, but I hope you all like it!!

The Kerberos mission took twelve months, entire year, to complete there and back along with research in between. Amazingly, within that year in space nothing went wrong, nothing malfunctioned, no one was hurt, however, that changed once they came back to Earth. They had a smooth landing, or well, as smooth of a landing you could have while hurtling through Earth’s atmosphere. In the commotion and chaos of people pulling them out of the shuttle, and entering it to collect the samples, it was only after things calmed down that Shiro noticed something was wrong. Matt Holt was missing.

 

He scanned the area, panic rising in his throat. How could Matt be missing? He was in the shuttle when they left Kerberos a few months ago, he was in the shuttle when they entered Earth’s atmosphere. Shiro had been at the controls during the landing sequence, but there was no way Matt couldn’t have not been there.

 

Maybe he just missed him in his scan? Matt was a rather short person, but there were only three people on the Kerberos mission and Dr. Sam Holt, Matt’s father and the third person on the mission, was standing near Shiro and had been since they’d exited the shuttle. He hadn't seen Matt exit the shuttle, Shiro had been the first one out so he would have noticed if he’d come out.

 

He turned to Dr. Holt. “Have you seen Matt?”

 

The look on Sam’s face made Shiro’s anxiety about the situation increase, and his answer made it even worse. “Who’s Matt?”

 

* * *

 

 

After their landing, Shiro hadn’t gotten a chance to speak to Dr. Holt alone since he had asked him where Matt was. Immediately after that moment, it seemed like he was constantly being dragged from one photo shoot to another, from interview to interview. During the first week back he had no time to himself almost, only late at night and by that point he was ready to sleep, so he most definitely didn’t have time to talk to Dr. Holt as much as he desperately wanted to.

 

What had he meant, ‘who’s Matt’? That was his son. Were they playing some cruel trick on him? How come no one else seemed concerned about Matt’s sudden disappearance?

 

 

Finally, a week later, he managed to meet with Sam.

 

“Doctor Holt!” Shiro called out as he rushed over to Sam. He wanted to grab him before anyone else could drag either of them off again. “Do you have a minute? I wanna ask you about something.”

 

Dr. Holt gave Shiro a rather strained smile as he approached, no doubt he had remembered the question the pilot had asked him the day they’d returned to Earth. “Of course,” was his reply however. “What’s on your mind, son?”

 

_Deep breath_ , he told himself before asking, “where’s Matt? It’s been a week since we’ve landed and I haven’t seen him anywhere.” Sam Holt raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything so Shiro continued, “there were only three people on the mission, Doctor Holt. You, me, and Matt- your son. Aren’t you… aren’t you worried about where he is?”

 

“Takashi,” said Sam, “are you doing alright? Did you hit your head while we were landing?”

 

“What?”

 

“Takashi,” he repeated. “I don’t have a son, only a daughter- Katie. You know this, or at least I thought you did.” He paused before adding on, “plus, there were only two people on the mission, you and me. No one else.”

 

Shiro felt his throat close up from a new wave of panic. No son? No no that couldn’t be true, this was all just a big prank. The Holts were known for pulling pranks, sometimes at very inappropriate times. He knew, _he knew_ , there had been three people on that shuttle, not two. Before he could stop himself, nervous laugher bubbled up and out of his mouth. This action earned him another raised eyebrow, this time the concern was more obvious on Sam’s face.

 

“You’re pulling a prank on me aren’t you,” Shiro said through his laughter. “Very funny you guys.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm as he said this. “Come on out Matt, I know you’re hiding somewhere around here.”

 

Dr. Holt, now very concerned, reached his hand out and gripped Shiro’s upper arm. “Shirogane.” His tone was serious, but also filled with worry. “I don’t have a son. There is no Matt Holt. We were the only two people on the mission. No one else, just us.” He released his hold on Shiro. “Come on, my boy. Let’s get you home. It’s been a long week. You should take this weekend to rest up.”

 

Shiro nodded numbly in agreement with Sam’s words, ones that he didn’t hear because his mind was a million miles away. The seriousness and finality of what Sam had just said hit Shiro like a ton of bricks. He never spoke this seriously, even during important lectures or official interviews, and most certainly not during pranks. You could always see that mischievous look on his face when he pretended to be serious for a prank, but now, now his face had no sign of that mischief. He was telling the truth, or his version of the truth.

 

Maybe Dr. Holt was right, no one had asked Shiro about where Matt was during interviews, which he found just as odd as Sam’s words a week before. However, there were two more people he could talk to about this. Katie and Colleen Holt. Matt’s little sister and mother. Maybe they’d remember Matt, they should. They all should, Sam included. Matt was part of their family. How could they just forget about him?

 

Holding on to this one last strand of hope he asked Sam, “can I come home with you? I…” _I want to ask your wife and daughter if they remember your son that you claim doesn't exist._ “I don’t want to be alone. I’m feeling very out of it.”

 

Sam’s face softened as he gave Shiro a smile. “Of course.”

 

* * *

 

 

The Holts lived relatively close by from where the two men had been, so within an hour Shiro was pulling up in their driveway. _Ok_ , he said to himself as he watched Dr. Holt’s car park beside his, _I can do this. All I have to do is bring him up somehow._ He paused his self counsel to think for a moment. What was the best way to bring up someone who might not exist? _Past achievements. That’s how,_ he decided. 

 

Taking a deep breath, his removed his keys from the ignition, and exited his car. Sam was waiting for him by the door, his hand resting on the door nob which was now unlocked. The look of concern from earlier was back on Sam’s face.

 

“Sorry for taking so long. It’s been a long day, so I needed a moment,” Shiro explained.

 

Dr. Holt nodded before pushing open the door and announcing that he was home and had brought Shiro with him. Katie, Dr. Holt’s daughter, came rushing down the stairs to greet them, but soon it was obvious that she was more there to talk to her father about the latest project she was working on. Shiro couldn’t really follow all of what she was saying, but he had gathered that she was building some type of robot to help out around the house now that Sam wasn’t around as much because he was “all famous and stuff”.

 

“Hey, Pidge,” Shiro said with a smile, it was good to see she was the same as ever. He had also decided to use the nickname Matt had for his little sister, just to see if she’d recognize it. However, instead she just gave him a very confused look.

 

“Pidge? Is that a new nickname for me or something? Because, no offense Shiro, it’s kinda terrible.”

 

His smile faded after hearing her reply. _Quick_ , he thought, _come up with a bullshit answer._ “You’ve always sort of reminded me of a Pigeon.” She looked offended after hearing this so he quickly added on, “like the way you’re so jumpy and everything, yet you still hang around people all the time? Like a pigeon.” He laughed nervously. “But never mind, if you don’t like it I won’t use it.”

 

“Ok, Shiro. Whatever you say.” She and her dad shared a strange look before Colleen, Dr. Holt’s wife, entered the room to welcome her husband home and to greet Shiro.

 

After quick hellos and hugs, they all made their way into the dinning room where Mrs. Holt had already lain out plates of food. “Since Sam told me you were coming over, I decided to make something a little nicer than the take out he’d been planning on picking up on the way home,” she said to Shiro as the they sat down.

 

“Oh you didn’t have to go through the trouble of that for me,” replied Shiro.

 

She waved her hand to signal that it was no big deal. “I wanted to, don’t worry about it, dear.”

 

He managed a smile. “Thank you, Mrs. Holt.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s amazing how slow time passes when you’re nervous. It felt like eternity since they sat down up until Shiro worked up the courage to ask Colleen and Katie the question that had been burning on his tongue all night. Well more like, casually bring up Matt and hope they say something about where he was.

 

“So,” he began, “Katie. Did you ever finish that robot you and Matt were working on before we left for Kerberos? He kept talking about how he was sure you’d finished it without him.” Shiro let out a nervous laugh. 

 

Katie had the same confused, concerned look on her face that her father had given Shiro earlier. “Shiro, are you okay? First you call me Pidge, then you’re talking about someone I’ve never met like I do know him?”

 

Something was very wrong here, he decided. None of people at the table looked like they knew who he was talking about and none of them had that look all the Holts had when playing a joke. “Neither of you remember him either…” His voice trailed off at the end as he felt unshed tears burn his eyes and blur his vision.

 

Colleen laid her hand on top of Shiro’s. “Takashi, honey. Who do you think this Matt is? Sam told me you had been talking about him back on the base.”

 

“M-matt. He was- is- your son. He’s Katie’s big brother, Pidge was his nickname for her. He… he has a phd in biology and was sent on there Kerberos mission to study the ice samples we collected. I don’t know where he is and I’m so worried about him, and none of you guys are helping me. Please, if this is a joke, please stop.” At this point he was full on sobbing, but he didn’t care. He was worried about Matt, he was stressed about seeming to be the only one who remembered him, he just wanted things back to how they were supposed to be.

 

“Oh Takashi,” Mrs. Holt sighed as she stood from her chair to pull Shiro into a hug. “I wish I could say that we’re joking, but… there is no Matt Holt. I’m sorry.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh geez,, I'm sorry this chapter is so late and not super long aaa  
> It just took me 5 million years to figure out how I wanted to write this chapter haha  
> Anyways! I hope you enjoy it!!

“Shiro..?” Came a tentative voice from outside his room. It had been a week since Keith had moved back home for the summer after his first year away at the Garrison (and a little over two months since Shiro had returned from his mission), and the whole time Shiro had been shut up in his room. Which was odd behavior for him, normally when Keith was home he'd become all big brother-y and almost always be available.

 

Currently Shiro was laying on his bed, cocooned in his blankets, his eyes screwed shut as he tried to block out the world. “Shiro?” Keith called out again a little louder when he received no reply from his brother. A few seconds passed before Keith said, “Shiro, I’m coming in.” 

 

In response to Keith’s words, Shiro pulled his blankets further over his head but didn't tell Keith to go away. He heard the door open and then felt his bed dip when Keith sat down on it. “Come on Shiro. You’ve been in here for what? A week? Probably more. Who knows what you were like before I came home.” He paused for a moment, he only vaguely knew Shiro’s situation, Dr. Holt had briefly filled him in when he’d picked up Keith from school in Shiro’s place. His brother was convinced a person named Matthew Holt existed and was the son of Dr. Holt when no such person truly existed. However, he wasn't sure what had prompted this thought. 

 

Sighing softly Keith continued, “you know. This is really weird.” A nervous laugh. “It's weird being the one comforting you when usually it's the other way around... but... Shiro. Come out of your room. I know things are tough, but like you've always told me- it's better to be out with people than shut up in your room even if that feels like the better or easier option.”

 

Shiro groaned loudly in annoyance, his own logic was being used against him. However he simply curled further in on his self and tried to block Keith out.

 

“Come on Shiro. You need to get out of bed. You’re… you’re starting to scare me. This isn’t good for you. If you get up I’ll make you some tea or something I don’t know. Just get up.”

 

Pulling the blankets from over his head he sat up and let out a long sigh. “Fine,” he grumbled as he resigned to Keith’s pleas. 

 

“Damn,” Keith said, his voice light and teasing as he took in Shiro’s intense bed head and bagged eyes, “you look like death.”

 

“Thanks. I feel like death too.”

 

* * *

 

Eventually Keith was able to coax Shiro out of his room and on to the couch in the small living room in their apartment. He sat bleary eye, staring blankly at the tv which was currently off. A cup of steaming tea held clutched between his hands. Keith had taken a seat next to Shiro on the couch to keep him from laying back down and going back to sleep.

 

The two brothers sat in a tense silence as Keith’s unasked questioned hovered over them. After a few minutes he ended up breaking the silence and asking, “hey Shiro..? Can you tell me about Matt?”

 

Hearing Matt’s name Shiro was brought back to reality, and turned his head to look at Keith. “What? Why?” He knew Keith had heard about Matt from Dr. Holt, and he had mentioned him once when Keith had tried earlier in the week to get him to talk.

 

Keith shrugged. “He seems important to you, so I wanna know more about him… But seriously Shiro, I’ve never seen you this depressed before and I was there when you went through all that shit in high school. So… talk to me. Please?”

 

For the first time since he’d returned home from the mission, Shiro smiled. “Thank you. And you were right,” he chuckled, “this is weird. It’s weird seeing you act so mature. Does this mean that you’re finally learning how to healthily cope with things?”

 

Keith huffed loudly in mock annoyance. “Geez Shiro, I can’t believe you’d accuse me of learning hope to cope.” His tone dripping with sarcasm.

 

“Heh. I’m proud of you little bro,” he said as placed his cup of tea on the coffee table before pulling Keith into a side hug.

 

“Hey! We’re here talking about you, not me. Stop trying to change the conversation!”

 

“Woops. Seems like you caught me,” Shiro joked before his face fell back to the defeated, depressed look it’d been in. He sighed again before speaking again, “look, I really appreciate you asking about… Him. But… But I don’t think I can. You knew him too, you know?” He glanced at Keith to gauge his reaction but he was only met with a sad look. “This is all so fucked up. I don’t know what’s going on or why He suddenly doesn’t exist anymore when he was right there literally a minute before we exited the ship. I’ve looked everywhere I could for him… I gave up a few days before you came home though.”

 

“Did you… find anything while looking for him?”

 

Shiro shook his head. “Nothing. His portrait is missing from the Garrison’s graduates hall, all the pictures I had of him are gone too. He’s also not in any of the picture’s in the Holt’s house. I checked the Garrison’s records, or well, the one’s I have access too. But no luck there either. I’ve walked through the Kerberos shuttle about half a million times, but no of Matt’s stuff is there. None of his notebooks, none of his gear. He’s little scribbles he drew in my notebooks are gone too.” He paused before shaking his head again and laughing. “Maybe I’m just going crazy. Being in space could’ve just fucked with my mental health. Who knows.” Another sigh.

 

“Shiro…” Keith whispered, his face and tone of voice looked and sounded concerned. “Maybe you should see someone about this?”

 

“You’re probably right. But I just wish I could figure out what as going on.”

 

“I know Shiro, I know. Hopefully, hopefully we’ll be able to figure that out. But until then…”

 

“We just have to wait, I know.”

 

“How about today we get out of the house? But no looking for clues, we’re gonna do stuff to get your mind of all this shit.” Keith suggested after a moment of silence.

 

Shiro smiled again. “Yeah, I’d like that. I should probably go out, I haven’t gone outside in weeks.”

 

“That’s a bit worrying, but come on. Get dressed and we’ll go into town.”

 

* * *

 

Within the next half hour, the two brother’s were seated in Shiro’s car heading into town. The area they lived in was mostly populated by scientists and astronauts because this was the closest town to the Garrison where most of these people worked. The town wasn’t very big, but Keith had basically grown up here since they’d moved there back when Shiro’s mother- Keith’s adoptive mother and step-mother, had gotten a job at the Garrison. When she passed away, Shiro had already moved out into his own apartment, so Keith had just moved in with him. Although it had gotten lonely during the months Shiro was away at the Garrison when he was still in classes there. 

 

Keith, being the one driving the car because Shiro was in no shape to drive, pulled the car into a parking spot in the “down town” area. “Okay. Here’s the plan,” he said. “We’re gonna go get lunch and then look around in that little store that sells space stuff that you used to like to go to. Then we’re gonna go drive to the hideout and watch movies. Sound good?”

 

“That sounds perfect,” Shiro replied.

 

“Great!” Keith said with a smile. “Let’s go eat.”

 

* * *

 

Two hours later they were back in the car and were heading out into the desert. Their hideout was a small shack located in the middle of nowhere in the desert, Keith’s dad had built it when Keith was a little kid and before his dad left his step-mother and two kids without so much as a good bye. However, Shiro and Keith both still enjoyed going to the shack because it was their space where they could go to get away from everything.

 

It took them around twenty minutes at the speed Keith was driving at, which was way over what should be legal even though there was no speed limit out where they were. Once they pulled up to the hideout and went inside, Keith walked over to their movie rack to pick out something to watch.

 

“Hmmm… how about Atlantis? You know the Disney one,” Keith asked.

 

_That was one of Matt’s favorite movies_ , Shiro wanted to say but stopped himself. They were here to not think about Him, and maybe watching one of His favorite movies was a bad idea for that, it was still better than bringing him up. Plus Shiro did love that movie as well. “Sounds good.”

 

“Sweet,” Keith said before popping the disk into the slightly busted cd player they had hooked up to their equally busted tv. But hey, both still worked so there was no need to get rid of them, they kept it around for more sentimental reasons anyways.

 

Shiro settled down on the couch next to Keith as the movie began playing. _This is… nice. I’m glad I have Keith looking out for me._

 

* * *

 

“How’s everything going?”

 

“Just as planned.”

 

“Perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this please leave a kudo &/or a comment!!
> 
> I'm mattholtsbf on tumblr if you wanna come talk to me about these boys!!


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